DEEP IN THE WELL OF LOSS

Just now while in the midst of packing to move, I found this poem I wrote some months after my husband died. It really took me back so I wanted to share it. 

RIP My Love 😚

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Deep in the well if loss has fallen my mere existence,

All that I once was and once loved has traveled a far distance,

Away from me and out of the palm of my grip,

Yet within the banks of my memory are many different clips,

So much so that I toss and turn throughout the night,

Tormented by what I’ve lost until the greeting of the morning light,

Who am I without you? I ask, because I truly don’t know anymore,

These agonizing thoughts weigh down too deep to which I cannot ignore,

For deep in the well of loss my mere existence has fallen,

Deep down into that well which has my insides calling,

Calling into the depth of the well hoping to hear your voice,

Just to discover the sound that answers back isn’t yours, but my voice,

Therefore deep in the well of loss I have to bury my pain,

And deep in the well of loss I have to cover over the stains,

From the tear droppings that fall likened to that of blood drops,

From the outpouring of pain that has me all twisted up in knots,

As I weep lowering the bucket slowly down inside the well,

Where I must leave all of the things that I cannot bear to tell,

Deep down in the well of loss I drop off the things of my past,

Which is going to be hard to do but God please help me I ask??

“Get Yourself Together”

​You cannot possibly run forever,

So you may as well get yourself together,

Inspite of the storm and the outpouring of rain,

As well as the heartache and the gut wrenching pain,

You best well get yourself together,

I mean, eventually things will get better.

“Is It Better?”

It’s much better out than in folk will say,
And that rings truth but I don’t like it that way,
I mean as it flows out its excruciatingly painful,
For it comes forth in buckets to the maximum, beyond full,
I can’t take it! It hurts, I’ve got to let it go,
Yet I got to keep it in because it’s too painful to let flow,
Crazy, perhaps! But it is very real,
Once you walk in my shoes you too will know how it feels.

(C) 2016

“Don’t Want To Cry No More”

I have cried and I have cried,
I have cried to the point of feeling tired,
I cannot stop the tears from pouring from my eyes,
And I cannot quiet the pain that’s screaming inside,
But I can suppress the thoughts from entering into my mind,
Yet I cannot convince the heart to look past to decline,
The grief that comes about every year around this time,
Oh why can’t the heart match the mind and be blind,
Blind to the fact that in 4 years you are still gone,
I just don’t want to hurt no more, I mean is that wrong?

2016

“Party of One”

We come into this world as one,
We shall leave this world also as one,
Before the throne of God we will stand as one,
And judgement will be received one by one.
You are without a doubt a party of one,
Haven’t you heard that from someone, anyone?
You are a party of one, not two or three,
So let this truth break chains and set you free!

“It Wasn’t Yours To Have”

To quick to trust in someone,
To quick to want to see the best in everyone,
To eager to be welcoming and kind,
To eager to lay it all out on the line,
To impatient to see the warning signs,
To naive to realize what was lurking in your eyes,
And so, you stole the virtue from within the mere depth of me,
And you knocked the wind outside which was inside of me,
You took from me that which was not yours to have,
It really happened so abrupt, so quick and oh so fast,
Even days later I feel sick and dirty, misused and abused,
I feel ashamed and embarrassed, and oh so confused,
Yet I blame myself, it is on me to bear,
Because I opened the door to this and ignored the warnings there,
Oh If I could turn back the hands of time,
I would not make the mistake of bypassing the warning signs!

“WHO”

Who is it that can give me direction and inspiration?
Who is it that will give me strength and motivation?
Who is it that can give me Agape love and affection?
And Who can I depend on for around the clock protection?
Who can I literally talk to all day long?
And Who can I depend on when everyone else is gone?
Who will never leave me and have never forsaken me?
And Who has broken these chains of bondage to set me free?
Who, I say WHO can I walk with whether it be day or night?
And Who can I depend on when I  need to stand and fight?
Who can I look to when feeling lost and lowly,
And Who can I approach behind the veil in awe and boldly?
Who will stick closer to me than any other?
And Who will give me the words to speak when my tongue wants to stutter?
Who, I say WHO can I trust always and forever?
That WHO would be my Heavenly Father, and truly there is no one better!