DEEP IN THE WELL OF LOSS

Just now while in the midst of packing to move, I found this poem I wrote some months after my husband died. It really took me back so I wanted to share it. 

RIP My Love 😚

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Deep in the well if loss has fallen my mere existence,

All that I once was and once loved has traveled a far distance,

Away from me and out of the palm of my grip,

Yet within the banks of my memory are many different clips,

So much so that I toss and turn throughout the night,

Tormented by what I’ve lost until the greeting of the morning light,

Who am I without you? I ask, because I truly don’t know anymore,

These agonizing thoughts weigh down too deep to which I cannot ignore,

For deep in the well of loss my mere existence has fallen,

Deep down into that well which has my insides calling,

Calling into the depth of the well hoping to hear your voice,

Just to discover the sound that answers back isn’t yours, but my voice,

Therefore deep in the well of loss I have to bury my pain,

And deep in the well of loss I have to cover over the stains,

From the tear droppings that fall likened to that of blood drops,

From the outpouring of pain that has me all twisted up in knots,

As I weep lowering the bucket slowly down inside the well,

Where I must leave all of the things that I cannot bear to tell,

Deep down in the well of loss I drop off the things of my past,

Which is going to be hard to do but God please help me I ask??

“Just A Different Day”

Here it is once again,
It’s all the same but a different day,
The heart is bleeding,
While the eyes are weeping,
The mind is racing,
But the thoughts are fading,
The blood is flowing,
Yet the veins are rolling,
The pain is at its peak,
Yet too steep to find relief,
It tries to find disguise,
Though it cannot hide,
It tries to deceive the mind,
Though the eyes aren’t blind,
So there you are once again,
Nothing’s changed, it’s just a different day!

(c) 2016

Thinking Thoughts

Emotions flowing profusely,
Pouring out and flooding my brain,
Tears dropping plankity plank,
Down my face like the splattering rain,
Thoughts are trying to be thought,
While questions needing answers are sought,
In my moment of deep agonizing despair,
Into the far distance I gaze out and stare,
Thinking thoughts that are merely blank,
Painting pictures with no need of paint,
Spaced out and far gone into the depth of somewhere,
Moving here and about but not even going anywhere,
Thoughts rushing to form words a mile a minute,
Running its designated course trying to reach an ultimate finish.

(C) 2016

“It’s Not What It Seems”

Just when you think life could be grand,
And when you start to believe that something really can,
Be all you’ve hoped and dreamed it would be,
Reality opens your eyes yet again to see,
That what you thought could be, would not be,
And that I must say is so upsetting to me!

“MORE TIME”

More time was what he wanted but could not have,
And he desired to treasure it all again, to live life and laugh,
Yet life as he knew it was quickly flashing before his eyes,
As his organs began to malfunction, he cried for more time,
He said, “If I could do it over I’d do things alot diffrently!”
But it wasn’t until death was staring him in the face he received an epiphany,
That he had taken all of the many close calls given him for granted,
And time had run its course, God was now calling as heaven chanted,
“Please give me more time Father,” he said as he continuously wept,
For he wasn’t quite ready to go to his heavenly home just yet,
But he knew it was a matter of time so he began to get his earthly house in order,
As he faced the realization that these earthly bodies are not immortal,
Back into the ground he knew his earthly shell would be buried,
So time was of the essence therefore he knew he had to hurry,
Not completely making the fact that he was about to pass known,
He spent day and night with family with no desire to be alone,
Until the moment was at hand, it was then he sent them on an errand,
And he put things in order where they would be easily apparent,
He knew he was about to breathe his last breath on this side,
But he knew it would have killed his wife to stand there and watch him die,
So he did what he knew to do in order to ease some of her upcoming pain,
And he made sure his last few moments were spent wisely and not in vain,
More time was what he desired but knew time had run its course,
Therefore he decided not to fight anymore and submitted without force,
And although that moment he had with his family would be his last,
He left behind the type of memories that would continue to last and last!  

“Not Tonight”

Everyday she was awakened to the smell of breakfast cooking,
And greeted with a smile and the words “Good Morning good looking!”
What a way to wake up feeling on top of the world,
Just to lose it all within seconds as life spins and twirls,
For tomorrow is not promised so it’s best to live today,
And make peace with others, do good and pray,
Tell the ones you care about just how much you love them,
So that if tomorrow doesn’t come there won’t be no guilt,
For she longs for the scent of him  she can no longer smell,
Yes, she longs to hear the words he would always yell,
From the front of the house as he heard her footsteps,
Walking to meet him as he awaited at the doorstep,
Yet the sound is faint, it can no longer be heard,
For that voice is no more and the body is buried,
And she cries herself to sleep each and every night,
Knowing he won’t be able to join her once again tonight.
ⓒ 2015

“Going The Distance”

There she lay brittle and so hungry inside,
Hungry for the love she needs, yet can never seem to find,
Through valley’s high and through valley’s low,
Over hurdles here and hurdles there she will go,
Going the distance tired, broken down and damn near defeated,
Searching to find that tangible thing to stop her heart from bleeding,
Yet it seems so very far and beyond her reach,
That she’s near ready to throw in the towel… Give up… and Retreat,
Just to embrace love… That is what she so desperately need,
Love is the power that would break the chains and set her free,
Yet… Through Valley’s high and through Valley’s low,
And over Hurdles here and Hurdles there she will go,
Going the distance to find that missing puzzle piece,
Searching for that special “peace” to make her life complete.

©2015