DEEP IN THE WELL OF LOSS

Just now while in the midst of packing to move, I found this poem I wrote some months after my husband died. It really took me back so I wanted to share it. 

RIP My Love 😚

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Deep in the well if loss has fallen my mere existence,

All that I once was and once loved has traveled a far distance,

Away from me and out of the palm of my grip,

Yet within the banks of my memory are many different clips,

So much so that I toss and turn throughout the night,

Tormented by what I’ve lost until the greeting of the morning light,

Who am I without you? I ask, because I truly don’t know anymore,

These agonizing thoughts weigh down too deep to which I cannot ignore,

For deep in the well of loss my mere existence has fallen,

Deep down into that well which has my insides calling,

Calling into the depth of the well hoping to hear your voice,

Just to discover the sound that answers back isn’t yours, but my voice,

Therefore deep in the well of loss I have to bury my pain,

And deep in the well of loss I have to cover over the stains,

From the tear droppings that fall likened to that of blood drops,

From the outpouring of pain that has me all twisted up in knots,

As I weep lowering the bucket slowly down inside the well,

Where I must leave all of the things that I cannot bear to tell,

Deep down in the well of loss I drop off the things of my past,

Which is going to be hard to do but God please help me I ask??

FACTS

​Finally there it was, the thing he needed to face,

The fact that she used him after he had extended her grace,

A fact he never would have nor ever wanted to confess,

But every few months he throws up the thoughts he’s been trying to supress,

Gullible he was when he decided to trust her,

Now he can never forget, and things won’t ever be as they were,

Now a broken man trying to find the scattered pieces of life,

Trying to find the pieces to convince him that life is worth the fight.

2017
 

“MAYBE”

To know that you love someone, but to have that someone make you doubt that love for that someone is very confusing. When you know what you feel in your heart but it appears to another that what’s in your heart isn’t really real is even more confusing. So what is it that is felt then? Are you saying that this is make believe or a mere game called “Pretend?” Or is this that other game called “Manipulation?” Are you enjoying feeling you’re in control? Am I simply a puppet you like dangling from strands of string? You know, maybe it’s you that have misinterpreted the meaning of love. Maybe it is you who’s mind is twisted and confused. Maybe it is you that’s struggling to receive or accept love. Maybe I’ve just uncovered the truth. MAYBE, just maybe!

“Get Yourself Together”

​You cannot possibly run forever,

So you may as well get yourself together,

Inspite of the storm and the outpouring of rain,

As well as the heartache and the gut wrenching pain,

You best well get yourself together,

I mean, eventually things will get better.

“Is It Better?”

It’s much better out than in folk will say,
And that rings truth but I don’t like it that way,
I mean as it flows out its excruciatingly painful,
For it comes forth in buckets to the maximum, beyond full,
I can’t take it! It hurts, I’ve got to let it go,
Yet I got to keep it in because it’s too painful to let flow,
Crazy, perhaps! But it is very real,
Once you walk in my shoes you too will know how it feels.

(C) 2016

“Don’t Want To Cry No More”

I have cried and I have cried,
I have cried to the point of feeling tired,
I cannot stop the tears from pouring from my eyes,
And I cannot quiet the pain that’s screaming inside,
But I can suppress the thoughts from entering into my mind,
Yet I cannot convince the heart to look past to decline,
The grief that comes about every year around this time,
Oh why can’t the heart match the mind and be blind,
Blind to the fact that in 4 years you are still gone,
I just don’t want to hurt no more, I mean is that wrong?

2016

ASPIRE

ASPIRE:
For many hours until about 30 minutes ago I was feeling a little down. And that’s ok because I’m human and I fight battles too.  But in the very midst of my (self) drawn out moment I hear “ASPIRE STACY!” How many of you know that we can bite that bait and lay down on things instead of giving the enemy walking papers?? So I asked aspire to what??
Aspire to rise above your limitations,
Aspire to move beyond adversity,
Aspire to jump over life’s hurdles,
Aspire to climb above and over your mountains,
Aspire to look past the naysayers, downers, pretenders and purpose killers,
Aspire to be all that God has created you to be,
Hold your head up that you may clearly see what HE has shaped you to be.
Get up!!! Look up!!! Suit up!!! And keep moving…