DEEP IN THE WELL OF LOSS

Just now while in the midst of packing to move, I found this poem I wrote some months after my husband died. It really took me back so I wanted to share it. 

RIP My Love 😚

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Deep in the well if loss has fallen my mere existence,

All that I once was and once loved has traveled a far distance,

Away from me and out of the palm of my grip,

Yet within the banks of my memory are many different clips,

So much so that I toss and turn throughout the night,

Tormented by what I’ve lost until the greeting of the morning light,

Who am I without you? I ask, because I truly don’t know anymore,

These agonizing thoughts weigh down too deep to which I cannot ignore,

For deep in the well of loss my mere existence has fallen,

Deep down into that well which has my insides calling,

Calling into the depth of the well hoping to hear your voice,

Just to discover the sound that answers back isn’t yours, but my voice,

Therefore deep in the well of loss I have to bury my pain,

And deep in the well of loss I have to cover over the stains,

From the tear droppings that fall likened to that of blood drops,

From the outpouring of pain that has me all twisted up in knots,

As I weep lowering the bucket slowly down inside the well,

Where I must leave all of the things that I cannot bear to tell,

Deep down in the well of loss I drop off the things of my past,

Which is going to be hard to do but God please help me I ask??

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FACTS

​Finally there it was, the thing he needed to face,

The fact that she used him after he had extended her grace,

A fact he never would have nor ever wanted to confess,

But every few months he throws up the thoughts he’s been trying to supress,

Gullible he was when he decided to trust her,

Now he can never forget, and things won’t ever be as they were,

Now a broken man trying to find the scattered pieces of life,

Trying to find the pieces to convince him that life is worth the fight.

2017
 

“Don’t Want To Cry No More”

I have cried and I have cried,
I have cried to the point of feeling tired,
I cannot stop the tears from pouring from my eyes,
And I cannot quiet the pain that’s screaming inside,
But I can suppress the thoughts from entering into my mind,
Yet I cannot convince the heart to look past to decline,
The grief that comes about every year around this time,
Oh why can’t the heart match the mind and be blind,
Blind to the fact that in 4 years you are still gone,
I just don’t want to hurt no more, I mean is that wrong?

2016

“It’s Not What It Seems”

Just when you think life could be grand,
And when you start to believe that something really can,
Be all you’ve hoped and dreamed it would be,
Reality opens your eyes yet again to see,
That what you thought could be, would not be,
And that I must say is so upsetting to me!

“Not Tonight”

Everyday she was awakened to the smell of breakfast cooking,
And greeted with a smile and the words “Good Morning good looking!”
What a way to wake up feeling on top of the world,
Just to lose it all within seconds as life spins and twirls,
For tomorrow is not promised so it’s best to live today,
And make peace with others, do good and pray,
Tell the ones you care about just how much you love them,
So that if tomorrow doesn’t come there won’t be no guilt,
For she longs for the scent of him  she can no longer smell,
Yes, she longs to hear the words he would always yell,
From the front of the house as he heard her footsteps,
Walking to meet him as he awaited at the doorstep,
Yet the sound is faint, it can no longer be heard,
For that voice is no more and the body is buried,
And she cries herself to sleep each and every night,
Knowing he won’t be able to join her once again tonight.
ⓒ 2015

“More Than Just One Day”

A ten piece nugget, french fries and a large vanilla shake,
Was my so called Valentine’s Day gift to myself,
Why McDonald’s of all places, someone may say?
Well, I wouldn’t do anything different today than any other day.
Love is not something to be shared on any particular day,
But when you love someone you desire to show them each and everyday.
You cherish each moment allotted to spend with one another,
And just when you see the one you love your heart begins to flutter.
You don’t need a holiday to dictate when to show someone love,
Just continue to make it known the other 364 days, that they’ll never doubt they’re loved!

ⓒ 2015

“Get Away”

I feel like I’m surrounded by a bunch of looney tunes,
With their faces squint up as if they’d eaten bitter prunes,
Then madness surrounds me it seems each and everyday,
And no one is feeling happy unless they’re having their own way.

Must it be so hard to come together to get it all done?
For the pressure from all this mess inside bears the weight of several tons,
And my shoulders are weakening so I can’t carry much more,
Because your venom is so poisonous, it breaks down to the core.

Negativity is so thick in the people that come around me,
Transferring quickly from body to body making it difficult to see,
Until it jumps off them upon you to take your breath away,
As you fight to break free in silence because invisibility stands in the way.

I’ve got to get away from the chaos that’s quite difficult to escape,
And I’ve got to leave this web of destruction for good ole sanity’s sake,
For the world in which we live today, no words can fully describe,
Yet we must journey along each God giving day, doing our best to live and survive!

ⓒ 2015