DEEP IN THE WELL OF LOSS

Just now while in the midst of packing to move, I found this poem I wrote some months after my husband died. It really took me back so I wanted to share it. 

RIP My Love 😚

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Deep in the well if loss has fallen my mere existence,

All that I once was and once loved has traveled a far distance,

Away from me and out of the palm of my grip,

Yet within the banks of my memory are many different clips,

So much so that I toss and turn throughout the night,

Tormented by what I’ve lost until the greeting of the morning light,

Who am I without you? I ask, because I truly don’t know anymore,

These agonizing thoughts weigh down too deep to which I cannot ignore,

For deep in the well of loss my mere existence has fallen,

Deep down into that well which has my insides calling,

Calling into the depth of the well hoping to hear your voice,

Just to discover the sound that answers back isn’t yours, but my voice,

Therefore deep in the well of loss I have to bury my pain,

And deep in the well of loss I have to cover over the stains,

From the tear droppings that fall likened to that of blood drops,

From the outpouring of pain that has me all twisted up in knots,

As I weep lowering the bucket slowly down inside the well,

Where I must leave all of the things that I cannot bear to tell,

Deep down in the well of loss I drop off the things of my past,

Which is going to be hard to do but God please help me I ask??

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FACTS

​Finally there it was, the thing he needed to face,

The fact that she used him after he had extended her grace,

A fact he never would have nor ever wanted to confess,

But every few months he throws up the thoughts he’s been trying to supress,

Gullible he was when he decided to trust her,

Now he can never forget, and things won’t ever be as they were,

Now a broken man trying to find the scattered pieces of life,

Trying to find the pieces to convince him that life is worth the fight.

2017
 

“Get Yourself Together”

​You cannot possibly run forever,

So you may as well get yourself together,

Inspite of the storm and the outpouring of rain,

As well as the heartache and the gut wrenching pain,

You best well get yourself together,

I mean, eventually things will get better.

“Don’t Want To Cry No More”

I have cried and I have cried,
I have cried to the point of feeling tired,
I cannot stop the tears from pouring from my eyes,
And I cannot quiet the pain that’s screaming inside,
But I can suppress the thoughts from entering into my mind,
Yet I cannot convince the heart to look past to decline,
The grief that comes about every year around this time,
Oh why can’t the heart match the mind and be blind,
Blind to the fact that in 4 years you are still gone,
I just don’t want to hurt no more, I mean is that wrong?

2016

ASPIRE

ASPIRE:
For many hours until about 30 minutes ago I was feeling a little down. And that’s ok because I’m human and I fight battles too.  But in the very midst of my (self) drawn out moment I hear “ASPIRE STACY!” How many of you know that we can bite that bait and lay down on things instead of giving the enemy walking papers?? So I asked aspire to what??
Aspire to rise above your limitations,
Aspire to move beyond adversity,
Aspire to jump over life’s hurdles,
Aspire to climb above and over your mountains,
Aspire to look past the naysayers, downers, pretenders and purpose killers,
Aspire to be all that God has created you to be,
Hold your head up that you may clearly see what HE has shaped you to be.
Get up!!! Look up!!! Suit up!!! And keep moving…

“Party of One”

We come into this world as one,
We shall leave this world also as one,
Before the throne of God we will stand as one,
And judgement will be received one by one.
You are without a doubt a party of one,
Haven’t you heard that from someone, anyone?
You are a party of one, not two or three,
So let this truth break chains and set you free!

“Just A Different Day”

Here it is once again,
It’s all the same but a different day,
The heart is bleeding,
While the eyes are weeping,
The mind is racing,
But the thoughts are fading,
The blood is flowing,
Yet the veins are rolling,
The pain is at its peak,
Yet too steep to find relief,
It tries to find disguise,
Though it cannot hide,
It tries to deceive the mind,
Though the eyes aren’t blind,
So there you are once again,
Nothing’s changed, it’s just a different day!

(c) 2016